My Visionary Mother – Part 2

This is the next chapter in my story about my mother and I (Part one is here).

During this time in my life, I was of little help to my mother and her struggles. If anything, I was a major hindrance, a source of pain, a source of judgment. As I tried to find my own way, my own voice, my own path, I said and did things that hurt my mother and made things more difficult for her.

I was 14, 15, 16 and 17.

Ultimately I left home at the age of 17. I left her, left my brothers and sisters, and left my home just as my senior year of high school was beginning.

I’ll never forget the look in my mom’s eyes the day I came home to get the last of my belongings. She was standing at the kitchen sink, doing dishes. I saw a depth of pain in her eyes that I can’t describe.

I don’t remember saying anything to her. I walked out the door and wouldn’t see her again for 9 months. I barely had the strength to stand for myself in those days.

It would be years before I’d have much to offer my mother… before I’d have an opportunity to begin to give back to her.

The years that followed were very tough years—for all of us.

One by one, my brothers and sisters left home. Each of us, in our own way, standing in judgment of her, as teenagers often do with parents. Then, there she was—alone. She’d dared to question her entire life-long belief system, she’d dared to question the authority of the church, the authority of the state, the authority of her parents… so that she and her children could be free and happy.

And now she was alone and going through more pain than I can imagine.

But through the years of the divorce, my mom stepped out into the business world. She went from having zero experience in the business world to starting business after business – even during the time that she was questioning everything and going through the divorce.

And her ideas were never small. They were always larger than life.

In my mom’s worldview, ANYTHING was possible. She went on to get her stockbroker license and to succeed at several businesses, with an uncommon level of passion and commitment.

(Years later, when I asked her about her beliefs about money, she told me that when she was going through the divorce, and her family was being torn apart, that she realized this: if she only had enough money – she could save her family and protect her children.)

For years my mother talked about writing her autobiography, and helping other women through her personal story. But, it was easier said than done. As you can probably imagine, what she would risk by telling her story would be the judgment of the world all over again.

She was, quite naturally, afraid of repeating the intense pain that she’d experienced as she had taken a stand for herself and left the church years before.

And although she’d attained great success in the business world, she was still feeling the pain of the relationships with her children and family that were unresolved.

Sometimes, no matter how much you desire something, or no matter how much you love someone, it can seem impossible to find what it takes to transcend those inner barriers.

This would be the time in my mom’s life, when I would get the opportunity to stand for her, as she’d always stood for me. This would be the time, when I’d have the strength and ability to stand with her, face her fears with her, and be the one who loved her no matter what.

I’ll tell more of the story in a future post, but you can listen to the beginning of an interview in which she’s asking me about honor, guilt and how to apply the force of honor in your life. (Note: She’s now a very successful author, and her story impacts thousands of people’s lives around the world. Her web site is here – but more on that later.)

Interview of Michael Skye: Guilt vs. Honor as Guiding Forces

I’m being interviewed by my mother, Sasha Xarrian, who was a powerful guiding force in my life. She is author of Outrageous Mastery, An Experiment with Power, which has sold very well on-line for the last few years and is about to be published in print.

She conducted this interview for her membership site, where she invites people to experiment with their creative power and create the life they envision. My mother's story is an incredible one, and she has been a continual source of inspiration to me since the time I was born (yes, I am biased, but just ask the hundreds of people have written to her, after her story and ideas changed their lives)!

MP3 File